Clive Coleman

Speakers Corner: If you could speak/present at any event, past or future, what would it be?

Clive Coleman: Given the chance, I think hosting the Oscars would be right up there. Just the thought of being able to pass Gwyneth Paltrow a Kleenex sort of does it for me. In all seriousness, I love big events. I’ve spoken many times in the Great Room at the Grosvenor House. Lat time it was to 1800 people, and I had to follow Boris Johnson! He was on great form, and warmed the room up brilliantly. Luckily I was able to pick up on that energy. You can’t beat a wave of laughter rolling across 1800 people and powering you on to your next joke or story. It also encourages you to ad lib, and it’s amazing how sometimes your very best stuff just comes to you when you are under real pressure but getting a great reaction from an audience.

Speakers Corner: Who would you most like to share a platform with?

Clive Coleman: I’ve shared platforms with lots of great people. Joanna Lumley and Graham Norton were a real pleasure to work with, as was Boris. But I certainly wouldn’t say no to Bill Clinton, Cheryl Cole and Stephen Fry. Not sure who I’d put on lead vocals though.

Speakers Corner: On average, how many corporate events do you do a year?

Clive Coleman: Around 30. With holiday periods etc, it kind of averages one a week.

Speakers Corner: Are you as happy speaking/presenting with an audience of 50 as 1,000?

Clive Coleman: The bigger the better. Though I did once have to speak to an audience of six! My major concern was that one of them didn’t go to the toilet. Definitely a case for a comfort break before the speech.

Speakers Corner: How do you like to be introduced?

Clive Coleman: I always provide a six line intro. I like the audience to know that they are getting a barrister, comedy writer and broadcaster. Very occasionally you get introduced by a CEO or MD who gives a half an hour speech, and it’s funny. I can’t help feeling that’s my job.

Speakers Corner: Do you always like to do a briefing call before the event?

Clive Coleman: It is absolutely essential. I will always chase clients if they don’t arrange one. In order to be funny about a company or organisation, and to ensure that you NEVER give offence, you need to ask a series of targeted questions. I now know all of the danger signs and which areas to avoid.

Speakers Corner: What are the most asked for topics?

Clive Coleman: I tend to get asked to speak to a lot of audiences who are involved in the law in one way or another. So, I spend lots of time taking the mickey out of lawyers. Some of the most hilarious things that have ever happened to me happened in court. I haven’t had to embellish too much to mine a rich seam of material there.

Speakers Corner: Do you have any funny/embarrassing speaking anecdotes you care to share?

Clive Coleman: Certainly that first joke is crucial – it settles your nerves. I know, I was once up on my feet having been introduced to an audience as a very, very funny man etc, by an MD. I’d just about reached the podium, when he added, ‘but before I bring Clive on, I’d just like to say a few words about Peter Smithson, a dearly loved colleague who died of colonic cancer earlier today’. As he seemed to be winding up Peter’s eulogy, I cleared my throat and, joke ready, took a step forward, only for him to continue: ‘and it was in a sense a double tragedy as Peter was taken ill whilst on the way to his own brother’s funeral. Who can forget that tragic suicide’. It was the mother of all buzz kills. The energy in the room disappeared down an imaginary plug hole. I decided to proceed as if he hadn’t said it. Surprisingly, it worked. I think people needed a release. After the speech I told the MD how very sorry I was to hear about Peter Smithson’s death. He was clearly much beloved of everyone who had worked with him. But, I wondered, couldn’t he have mentioned it after I’d spoken. ‘Do you know’, he said, ‘I never thought of that’. Hmm!

Speakers Corner: Your favourite film?

Clive Coleman: The Godfather, but not part 3

Speakers Corner: Favourite book?

Clive Coleman: The Mayor of Casterbridge.

Speakers Corner: Favourite holiday destination?

Clive Coleman: Anywhere where there’s good walking country, a pool, a golf course and sun.

Speakers Corner: What’s your tipple – wine, beer, champagne?

Clive Coleman: I do like an ice cold beer.

Speakers Corner: Country or townie?

Clive Coleman: Like em both. I fantasize about a country bolt hole. How many speeches would it take me to make that come true?