Do you want to know what's wrong with England? It's going to the dogs. We're being overrun by pekinese, chihuahuas and alsatians. The poor old English bulldog doesn't stand a chance. And what do the tree huggers at the Kennel Club do about it? Only give in to the health and safety officials in Brussels and ban the breathing problems and heart failure that made our bulldogs proud to be English. Jahwohl, mein commandant!
That's another thing. How come we English don't rejoice that we come from the best bloody country in the world? It's OK for the genocidal Krauts and the surrender-monkey Frogs to celebrate their identity with their own national day. Even the Jocks and the Micks have their own day and they didn't even have an empire that enslaved the world. So let's hear it for Chas'n'Dave.
Same thing with Christmas. Everyone knows Jesus was English but these days it's Happy Holiday this and Happy Winterval that. I blame the Marxists, because they are the ones what wrecked a good night out at the pub by banning smoking. Where's the fun in going out on the pull if you don't come home reeking of fags? And I'm not talking about queers! In any case, all those poor bastards forced to snout up outside are just dying of pneumonia instead of cancer.
Garry's Blog: Ofcom found me guilty of homophobia. I want it on record I've got nothing against queers. And I intend to keep it that way!
We've got things all arse about tit in England right now. Kids wander round in T-shirts with that failed psychopath Che Guevara on the front. How come they don't celebrate our own great revolutionaries like Oswald Mosley? No sense of national pride. I was once in the SWP but I'm not getting fooled again. Oi! That's why I'm for the BNP. At least they understand that racist bullying is the main reason our troops are the best bloody fighting force in the universe.
Just don't get me started on modern art. It's all a load of rubbish painted by fraudulent paedophiles, and that Picasso was the worst of the lot. My missus could have bashed out that Guernica thing. And as for Damien Hirst and Tracey Emin ... I could weep. Especially when Woolies, the only place selling decent English working-class art, has gone out of business.
Garry's Blog: Did you see Rebecca Loos masturbating a pig on TV? Revolting. It wasn't even a pure English breed like a Gloucestershire Old Spot.
Same thing with TV. Why isn't Benny Hill on any more? Because the media has been taken over by poufs and wimmin. Apart from the lezzers that is. We could do with more of them, apart from that fat one off EastEnders.
White blokes haven't had a look-in since feminism took over the world. Why can't we tell the truth and say that all wimmin are hormonal nightmares? And they are just the nice ones. Lighten up, and get a sense of humour, will you? If you want to end prostitution just send Ann Widdecombe out on the game.
Garry's Blog: How come the Archbishop of Canterbury is Welsh?
Northern Rock. The answer's all in the Northern. If it had been Southern Rock, the government would never have bailed out the honest white working classes in Sevenoaks. But as they're a load of thieving scallies and Mozzers from up north, they get £55bn of my money. Cry God for Ukip, England and St George!
Copyright Speakers Corner 2016